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A bit of a different post to usual. I'm kind of liking the 'advice' route when it comes to blogging as well as fashion/beauty posts, I think they're really interesting to read and just another way of getting your points out there really.
So long distance relationships (LDR's). They're pretty tricky indeed. I've been through an LDR and in fact i'm in one now and have been for well over a year. But now that he's moving to another country, America to be more precise in order to pursue his passion, all of our commitments have been raised to a whole new level, and this is something that has inspired me to write this post in order to get all of you guys who are in an LDR or wanting to get a better understanding of how to deal with it just something to read about and hopefully comfort you.
You hear a lot of people say LDR's don't work, are difficult to manage, full of communication breakdowns and trust issues. These are only a handful of the different anxieties that can occur in one/both partners. I personally think that the more you believe in these risks the more likely they are to happen, so if you believe your LDR will crash and burn then it will.
It's pretty much a no pain no gain situation. If you don't establish ground rules and stick to a routine that allows you both to communicate for a sufficient length of time each day (or as often as both of your schedules permit) then things will become rough. It pains me when people suddenly assume LDR's wont work because they've heard stories of it failing miserably, but have you actually experienced it yourself? Plenty of people in the world have to go through it and if both parties are committed to the relationship and trust each other then there's very little chance of it failing. However this is not to say you'll smooth sail your way through it, both of you have to work extremely hard to maintain trust, communication and that spark in the relationship. There will be times where you will yearn for your partner but it's all about pulling through and looking forward to the times when you will reunite again. If anything LDR's are a test of how strong your relationship is and how much you both love each other in order to make it last. I've put together plenty of tips that have been tried and tested by myself and by others who have shared the same experience:
Communication, communication, communication
Did I mention communication? This is the most fundamental element in an LDR and i can't stress it enough. If both of you aren't talking regularly then you will drift apart, it's fact unfortunately. Of course if you have an exam or have to be at work then these are exceptions, i'm talking more along the lines of 'oh i'll just message him/her tomorrow morning'. This is extremely frustrating for those who live in extreme time zones so be sure to keep some form of a schedule of when you guys can have quality time and talk together properly.
Technology
Use it. Skype, Facebook, phone calls, e-mails, MSN (i'm not sure people even use that anymore, but if it works for you then go for it!), use everything you can! Modern technology has probably enhanced the future for LDR's as it means we can keep in contact with each other much easier. You may also want to invest in a webcam since you and your partner won't be able to meet face to face for a long time.
Write a letter
In addition to using technology, use old fashioned methods like writing a letter. I don't know about you but emails and hand written letters have very different feelings between them. I think that a letter is much more personal and you can really 'feel' what they're saying. You could perhaps spray your perfume on it too!
Take advantage of your time apart
You'll be able to focus more on yourself, perhaps work an extra shift or two, see old friends and visit the family more often and this certainly positive for you.
Send parcels to each other
I freaking love parcels, everyone loves parcels! Send them something that's personal to you that they can keep, it's sweet and comforting for the two of you. A fun thing to do if you're both in different countries for example is send things like food, sweets or items you wouldn't find in your own country!
Do things together
Yep, even if you're apart. You can watch movies together and discuss it as you would if you were physically with them. I read on a website that you can cook together and have a 'date' (not too sure about it but it does sound kind of fun!). Teach them something or start a project together, there really is a lot you can do so be as creative as possible!
Keep a log of your time apart together in a blog
This is something both of you can take part in, and my boyfriend and I are actually going to give this a go when he leaves. Why not screenshot the funny faces you pull on webcam, send links to things you/they would find of interest, or take pictures of what you've received from your partner, or just write about your day in general. The idea of this is when you're feeling low because of the distance, you can look back through your journey apart and remind yourself that everything will be okay. I think this is a really sweet and fun thing for you and your partner to do.
Stay as positive as you can
If you're constantly going on about how hard everything is then it makes things even harder, and honestly who likes to talk to a constant downer everyday? Not focusing on the negatives is a sure way to keep the relationship alive and keep the two of you optimistic about the future.
Try and see each other as often as you can
This is fairly difficult for people overseas. But if they're in town make the most of your time together as much as possible. If your relationship is serious the two of you can save up for flights/train tickets and take it in turns to see each other. It's all possible if you work for it.
No one likes a control freak
This is probably one of the worst things ever. If you're not liking the look of a girl/boy your partner has recently added on Facebook and noticed they're talking a lot you can't just interrogate them or stop them from seeing each other. If anything it shows you're insecure about the relationship and it's a sure way to end it too.
Trust them
This is probably one of the top reasons why LDR's fail regardless of whether the insecurities are fact or purely perceived. In order for the relationship to be successful you need to understand what you're both in for, just because he/she is out with a person you don't know and hasn't replied to your message does not mean they're cheating or doing something they shouldn't do. Their lives can't pause for you and vice versa, you both have to have a social life and it really is down to being secure with yourself and the relationship as a whole.
Keep expectations realistic
This post is in no way guaranteeing your relationship to work long distance, however I'm purely writing of ways that will surely benefit the two of you to keep it going. No one can predict the future, people change when they move to a different environment and learn new things. Do not pursue an LDR expecting everything will be fine you really have to take things as it comes. Having hope it will work out and expecting it to work out are two very different things, hope will keep the two of you going and inspire a positive attitude.
So to conclude this; I genuinely hope whoever is in the same situation/about to enter an LDR will start to feel a sense of optimism. If things work out then that's fabulous, if they don't then remember that not all relationships are built to last, you may even find that the reason for the break up wasn't to do with distance but actually existing issues when you were closer together. Have faith and make sure the two of you are equally committed :)
If you're in a LDR and want to share your thoughts/ask for advice do comment below, if you have any more tips on surviving an LDR then post those and i'll add it to the list along with credits :)
x
